How Are You Living?

Life is too unpredictable to hold grudges. To not talk to someone because you had a tiff. To wait for someone to make the first move. To wait for tomorrow.

Again today I was reminded of the fragile nature of this life that has been granted temporarily to us. People get taken away all the time, but when that someone is your age, enjoying the things you enjoy doing, it strikes a nerve. And we sometimes forget, but He reminds. Again and again and again. Then one day, you might be the reminder for others.

I have been reminded hard once, losing a best friend. Someone I met almost everyday. Whose parents cared for me as much as they did for him. When he passed the disbelief was so great i just sat stunned for a few minutes. We were just out the night before, merrily laughing over prata and teh tarek like we always did. Then he was just gone.

And since then I've tried being happy in the moment. Making people happy. Always thankful for what I have, no matter how little it may seem. Sharing my time with people who matter. Sharing whatever wealth I can afford. Stand up for my beliefs but respecting the beliefs of others.

But especially forgiveness. It is not easy to overlook something when you have been hurt. But I have always thought of it this way.

If someone was gone tomorrow, would I regret our parting in such a manner or would i have better liked my last memory of him/her to be something to smile about?

May the guy who sparked this note receive His blessings and bountiful mercy. Even though he was a stranger to me, circumstances were all too familiar.

Life's too unpredictable. Make the best of it. Stay happy. Love truly. Forgive easily. Never wait for tomorrow.

Mom

Today something amazing happened.

Im not in the best state of mind aft being away for 8 weeks being alone most of the time.

I have always thought of myself as an introvert but not that much apparently as I found out.

Maybe thats why i like gg to work, here. At least i get to interact. This solitude has somewhat made me dull to the point I fi d the silence so deafening.

Today was one of those days. I was trying to sleep and the loneliness just set in again. 

And in my desperation.. (i have always joked about talking to the walls) i actually talked to the wall. Well not exactly talk, but i was lying down facing the wall, and i just called out 'mama'.

And the most amazing thing happened, within a couple of minutes, my phone buzzed.

It was my mom on whatsapp, asking what i was doing. It was kind of surreal. She never does this, texting to ask what im doing.

Oh how far love can reach when the heart calls out in earnest.

#truestory

Countdown Begins

So,

2 weeks to go!

Its been a bittersweet experience and I'm happy to be leaving. Temperature has been plummeting and if it wasnt for heaters I think I'd be pissing needles.

So 1 more entry to be added to the CV. Valuable experience gained, new friends made.

I stepped out of my comfort zone, in more ways than one. I finally dared to love with all my heart. Funny push, I needed distance and absence to finally realize that.

But best of all, I am returning towards the path. It was a small gentle push, looking for a mosque but thats all we need sometimes. Nowhere near perfect yet, but working towards it.

I miss family, friends, food and especially her.

The force is strong with this one. 14 days to go!

Whooop!

When I get back to Singapore, im gg to walk out of the airport, take in a deep breath and shout...

CHEEEBYEEE PANAS SIAL!

and I can only imagine my friends. Cfm one will crack

Ni baru panas dunia Li.

But hopefully I get a 'Bahase tu jaga bahase.'

=)

Tranquility

And in the darkest hours naturally one looks to the light for tranquility.

Nicks and bruises

Bachen,

I'm writing this to let you know what I probably could not say over the phone because like you, I do it better with written words.

I feel useless. I am supposed to make you happy and fill your life with joy, but barely 2 months has passed and i have already made you have the flu and allergic reactions on your lips once too much(Only GA should have this honor). I know no amount of iloveyous can take away the hurt u feel right now. That little nick in your heart will always be there to stay.

I'm new to this, I only have so much tricks up my sleeve to cheer you up whenever I fumble. It was especially stupid of me to laugh it off but I failed to see no matter how tough you can be (and i do admire you as a tough woman who can stand on her own), you will always be the soft and sweet girl who looks to me as someone who makes her feel special and loved.

I was the one you allowed into your heart  and yet was careless enough to treat it like a playground instead of treading softly with care like I should in a delicate garden. All I ask is to be given the chance and the honor, to stay on in this beautiful garden. So I may water it with endless love and plant the seeds of tomorrow. To watch it bloom to its fullest, till Keukenhof is but a shadow.

You are my source of my joy. My pride. And my future. Lovers claim they can't bear the thought of being away for just a day.

I can't bear the distance between our hearts, Each time you hurt, that's what grows apart..
A thousand miles away is nothing, For to me your heart is everything..

For what it is worth,
I love you.

(This article may be reproduced and shared, to shame the author.)

Reasons and Excuses

It must have been the bitterly cold rain pounding endlessly on my face as I walked home that put my mind in such a state.

Because that is so not me. It was a momentary lapse of confidence. And the very fact that this meant sooo much also made me so afraid. Afraid to fail. Afraid to lose.

Like you said, 'Only when you are afraid you know it true.'

All I needed was cigarettes and coffee to clear my head.

And a shit.

Then it came to me, clear as stars on a desert night.

You, are an amazing woman. Beautiful, smart and funny.

Men wait in line just for you to glance their way. And yet it was to me you gave your heart away.

Sayang,
I'm sorry to have even entertained the thought that you would leave. I can only imagine how that made you feel after you countlessly assure me of your love. I just want to say I appreciate it all, esp those cute videos you keep sending me. =)

As the song goes..

"..better shape up, cos i need a man. And my heart is set on you.."

So goodbye negativity. Its time to man up and give her what she deserves, a man.Not a whiny kental west side boy!

After all,
I have broken into her heart. And she, is simply falling for me.

Its All About The Money

Now I know what cheap asian labor feels like.

What was promised and what is given have always been different. No matter where it has always been the same. Its the same problem that gets us all.

Management versus ground people.

Which is why I have always given more respect to a management executive who has been known to 'start from scratch' so to speak.

But now its a fast track to the top with 'management trainee' programs. Thats the problem with the world now. Everyone wants instant results.

Its all about the paper qualifications now. And how good you can bullshit your way around.

Which was one of the reasons I refused to further my education. I kind of wanted to prove that you can get somewhere with good work ethics as well.

But seeing how things always turn out, maybe I should re-consider and start on getting a paper qualification instead.