So this is what working alone on project based scopes feels like.
Rushing home from camp to answer emails, make arrangements and more.
Kind of tough, not something I'm used to...
BUT..
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Afterall, what you do today, improves your tomorrow.
And I desire a comfortable tomorrow to share with the love of my life. =)
Oh please please please.
Its been so long since I felt this way. Its been way too long.
My toes were curling, my heart beat so fast.
Make me dream again,
YNWA
This is a good day.(or so I thought)
Good banter in the morning at the coffeeshop when uncle kopi caught a snake.
Then I found out I didnt have to pay a cent for my laptop servicing, because it was still under warranty when I thought it wasnt so.
So off to Kallang and voila, Cedele is nearby so I finally got my almond cookies! And while queing, RunSociety decided to let me win a Sundown entry!!
So on the way home, I thought.. everything is going right today. So I wanted to experiment. Lets blog about the day and see if it gets jinxed.
You know how if you're on a roll, dont say anything lest it gets jinxed.
Wanted to see how true that was.
Got back to the office and... yes.. somebody threw away my lunch. My chicken with sambal still there siaaaa...
And just as suspected, much as I love reading and writing..
Somehow they are my kryptonite, naturally occuring melatonin..
My love is a curse, the sleep inducing kind..
Not complaining though..
Tomorrow I want to wake up happy. And spend the day being happy. And write about something happy. And go to sleep with a smile.
Its about time.
Oh sleep, so troubled you are these few weeks. Why do I keep waking up in the middle of the night.
3am.
Anyway, might as well get down to writing. I used to love writing. I think, its about time to love again. Bits and pieces first. Bits and pieces.
Anyway, today I got kicked in the head. Sometimes you think you have it figured out, then WHAM! Realisation hits so hard it jars your thought pattern and makes you re-discover.
"Those who forgive but dont forget do not forgive at all. They only keep it aside only to lay it out again when things go wrong."
2 spoken sentences, took less than 1/2 a minute to be said, shook me so hard.
I have got it wrong all these while. And while I agree now, that to forgive IS to forget, it is sooooo hard to really practice.
I had anger issues. I was a short fuse before. But I didn't like to fight. Or argue. I hate it. So when somebody pisses me off, I walk away. I used to tell myself,
"Not worth my time and energy and emotion."
And I believed it that. To the core. That was my stand.
But I needed to vent my anger. Screaming on the highway, hitting walls, I have smashed 3 phones to date. =)
Then when keeping quiet and walking away ate me on the insides, and also, I didn't want to keep spending my money on replacing my phones..
I stopped getting mad. I started getting even.
I would remember EVERY SINGLE argument, transgression and sarcasm that was directed towards me.
And I would hit back, not immediately but when they sting would be felt the most. Talk about kicking someone at their lowest.
Boy did I make some people made.
But as I age, I mellowed, got wiser, became more patient, controlled my words..
Basically, just took shit in. Lol. Well, most of the times anyway..
So it came to this point where when someone apologises, I accept it, remained on good terms but somehow deep down I would remember the wrong-doings.
I guess that still isn't good enough. Not just because a learned man said so, but because I think he's right and I agree.
To forgive is to forget.
To forgive is to forget.
I shall remember this and actively practice it.
What if to forget is not doable?
Well then,
the road is long and stops aplenty. Walk on and never look back..
