Reminder

All of these elements, they are the armies.
Beautiful one moment, destructive the next.
Lest we forget,
Lest we forget.

2 months on

Dec 26th,

2 months since I returned from Norway into the arms of the most amazing and  wonderful girl I've ever met. She makes me want to strive higher than I ever wanted for myself in all aspects of life.

Everyday my love for her keeps growing so much I can barely contain it within my heart. Everytime I see her its so hard to leave. And if I could, i would spend eternity with her in my arms, caressing her hair, kissing her endlessly.

I dont know how things are gonna be with school starting the next week. Time has been kind so far with her having her break and me with not much work. But next week reality hits and its a whole new challenge.

Never knew I could love, want and need someone else this much. All I want to do everyday is make her laugh and smile. In her joy, I find mine.

Its not going to be an easy ride, thats for sure. And I'm not gg to ask for an easy path.

What I want is strength, for us both, to overcome whatever is in our way, together. Her hands in mine, our hearts as one.

The Forgotten Friend

In writing this, I have realised that this blog been bearing the burden of sad thoughts and emotions.

It is like the friend who faithfully stand in the shadows, forgotten, watching you when you are happy and steps out of it to let you know he's there when you feel down.

I should share more happy thoughts and emotions here.

How Are You Living?

Life is too unpredictable to hold grudges. To not talk to someone because you had a tiff. To wait for someone to make the first move. To wait for tomorrow.

Again today I was reminded of the fragile nature of this life that has been granted temporarily to us. People get taken away all the time, but when that someone is your age, enjoying the things you enjoy doing, it strikes a nerve. And we sometimes forget, but He reminds. Again and again and again. Then one day, you might be the reminder for others.

I have been reminded hard once, losing a best friend. Someone I met almost everyday. Whose parents cared for me as much as they did for him. When he passed the disbelief was so great i just sat stunned for a few minutes. We were just out the night before, merrily laughing over prata and teh tarek like we always did. Then he was just gone.

And since then I've tried being happy in the moment. Making people happy. Always thankful for what I have, no matter how little it may seem. Sharing my time with people who matter. Sharing whatever wealth I can afford. Stand up for my beliefs but respecting the beliefs of others.

But especially forgiveness. It is not easy to overlook something when you have been hurt. But I have always thought of it this way.

If someone was gone tomorrow, would I regret our parting in such a manner or would i have better liked my last memory of him/her to be something to smile about?

May the guy who sparked this note receive His blessings and bountiful mercy. Even though he was a stranger to me, circumstances were all too familiar.

Life's too unpredictable. Make the best of it. Stay happy. Love truly. Forgive easily. Never wait for tomorrow.

Mom

Today something amazing happened.

Im not in the best state of mind aft being away for 8 weeks being alone most of the time.

I have always thought of myself as an introvert but not that much apparently as I found out.

Maybe thats why i like gg to work, here. At least i get to interact. This solitude has somewhat made me dull to the point I fi d the silence so deafening.

Today was one of those days. I was trying to sleep and the loneliness just set in again. 

And in my desperation.. (i have always joked about talking to the walls) i actually talked to the wall. Well not exactly talk, but i was lying down facing the wall, and i just called out 'mama'.

And the most amazing thing happened, within a couple of minutes, my phone buzzed.

It was my mom on whatsapp, asking what i was doing. It was kind of surreal. She never does this, texting to ask what im doing.

Oh how far love can reach when the heart calls out in earnest.

#truestory

Countdown Begins

So,

2 weeks to go!

Its been a bittersweet experience and I'm happy to be leaving. Temperature has been plummeting and if it wasnt for heaters I think I'd be pissing needles.

So 1 more entry to be added to the CV. Valuable experience gained, new friends made.

I stepped out of my comfort zone, in more ways than one. I finally dared to love with all my heart. Funny push, I needed distance and absence to finally realize that.

But best of all, I am returning towards the path. It was a small gentle push, looking for a mosque but thats all we need sometimes. Nowhere near perfect yet, but working towards it.

I miss family, friends, food and especially her.

The force is strong with this one. 14 days to go!

Whooop!

When I get back to Singapore, im gg to walk out of the airport, take in a deep breath and shout...

CHEEEBYEEE PANAS SIAL!

and I can only imagine my friends. Cfm one will crack

Ni baru panas dunia Li.

But hopefully I get a 'Bahase tu jaga bahase.'

=)

Tranquility

And in the darkest hours naturally one looks to the light for tranquility.

Nicks and bruises

Bachen,

I'm writing this to let you know what I probably could not say over the phone because like you, I do it better with written words.

I feel useless. I am supposed to make you happy and fill your life with joy, but barely 2 months has passed and i have already made you have the flu and allergic reactions on your lips once too much(Only GA should have this honor). I know no amount of iloveyous can take away the hurt u feel right now. That little nick in your heart will always be there to stay.

I'm new to this, I only have so much tricks up my sleeve to cheer you up whenever I fumble. It was especially stupid of me to laugh it off but I failed to see no matter how tough you can be (and i do admire you as a tough woman who can stand on her own), you will always be the soft and sweet girl who looks to me as someone who makes her feel special and loved.

I was the one you allowed into your heart  and yet was careless enough to treat it like a playground instead of treading softly with care like I should in a delicate garden. All I ask is to be given the chance and the honor, to stay on in this beautiful garden. So I may water it with endless love and plant the seeds of tomorrow. To watch it bloom to its fullest, till Keukenhof is but a shadow.

You are my source of my joy. My pride. And my future. Lovers claim they can't bear the thought of being away for just a day.

I can't bear the distance between our hearts, Each time you hurt, that's what grows apart..
A thousand miles away is nothing, For to me your heart is everything..

For what it is worth,
I love you.

(This article may be reproduced and shared, to shame the author.)

Reasons and Excuses

It must have been the bitterly cold rain pounding endlessly on my face as I walked home that put my mind in such a state.

Because that is so not me. It was a momentary lapse of confidence. And the very fact that this meant sooo much also made me so afraid. Afraid to fail. Afraid to lose.

Like you said, 'Only when you are afraid you know it true.'

All I needed was cigarettes and coffee to clear my head.

And a shit.

Then it came to me, clear as stars on a desert night.

You, are an amazing woman. Beautiful, smart and funny.

Men wait in line just for you to glance their way. And yet it was to me you gave your heart away.

Sayang,
I'm sorry to have even entertained the thought that you would leave. I can only imagine how that made you feel after you countlessly assure me of your love. I just want to say I appreciate it all, esp those cute videos you keep sending me. =)

As the song goes..

"..better shape up, cos i need a man. And my heart is set on you.."

So goodbye negativity. Its time to man up and give her what she deserves, a man.Not a whiny kental west side boy!

After all,
I have broken into her heart. And she, is simply falling for me.

Its All About The Money

Now I know what cheap asian labor feels like.

What was promised and what is given have always been different. No matter where it has always been the same. Its the same problem that gets us all.

Management versus ground people.

Which is why I have always given more respect to a management executive who has been known to 'start from scratch' so to speak.

But now its a fast track to the top with 'management trainee' programs. Thats the problem with the world now. Everyone wants instant results.

Its all about the paper qualifications now. And how good you can bullshit your way around.

Which was one of the reasons I refused to further my education. I kind of wanted to prove that you can get somewhere with good work ethics as well.

But seeing how things always turn out, maybe I should re-consider and start on getting a paper qualification instead.

Surrealism

This is so surreal.

4 weeks ago I was just being me, laid back, happy, not a care in the world.

Ok maybe not not a care but not so much care in the world~

I'm still me though. Laid back, happy(ier) but definitely with some cares now lol.

You know when people ask how long we've known each other we'd probably say a few mths.

But at this very moment it hit me, we have really just known each other for 4 weeks. And somehow within these weeks something beautiful has blossomed.

Its been a really amazing 4 weeks. We have got the really important issues out in the open.

And the little details that we missed?

We have our whole lifetime ahead to figure those out.

Nur Rashidah, I think I'm truly blessed to have met someone as amazing as you. You will always be the most beautiful girl in my life, even at 5am when you wake up. No, especially at 5am when you wake up. Because that is what I want to wake up to for the rest of my life.

Inner voice: Da sudah cukop tu, meluat.

Oops sorreh bro.

Whirwind 5

Funny. We've nvr even been on a date together but things look like they are turning serious. Talked to her mom via skype today. Then i told mama abt her.

Mom asked for her pic, i gave. Took a screenshot of that and sent it to her.

Omggggg reaction and panic attack from her. Priceless. I think she liked it. Lol.

Mongstad: Week 4

Tomorrow will be the 4th week here and my second week in Mongstad.

Things are going well and starting to earn alot of respect ard here. Quite wonderful actually working here. Love the weather while working. Not sweating much at all.

New week. Time to gain more experience and bring a shit load of it back to Sg and kick EM's ass.

Dream Journal: Homesick

I fell asleep for 15mins, dreamt abt my mom. And i woke up feeling homesick.

I dreamt i was at dinner table. Eating alone. Then this girl came and said syukran skukran repeatedly.

I asked if she was from Africa. She laughed, pointed at herself and say, am i even good enough to be from africa?

Next thing i knew there were many people in the dream at the table all laughing n being merry.

But the setting has changed. The people changed. It was outside now. I was in a kind of sheltered gazebo with nature around me.

The people were from work, Amin, Din and 1 other guy. They were kutuking mme n my work about about Pinovo in a playing kind of manner.

I was working on tbe PiBlaster, while eating this insane amount of food. Then i stopped and went back to my food.

Then my mom, she was at the table with me. How? I dont know. Im supposed to be in Norway. So she took abit of my food and i jeling abit at her like i do when kapok food off my plate sometimes.

The. I said 'tomm im gg back to norway u know.'

Then i woke up.

And felt extremely homesick. =(

Whirlwind 4

The past week have been kind of surreal.
We started texting nightly. Slowly at first. And opening up more and more to each other.

Maybe this trip is a blessing in disguise.

I think whatever we shared wont have been shared if it wasnt for the fact that we are a thousand miles apart.

And today she sent me on 'mission'. I had thought it might have been something superficial or vain girls make guys do. But i went anyway.

She gave me an address and told me to look for it. She said it meant a lot to her. So i did.

Spent maybe close to 2 hours? looking for it.

And i found it. Beautiful.

Even miles apart, she somehow sent me on a path towards God.

It was the Bergen mosque. She sent me to look for a mosque.

When it hit me, i dont know. It hit me really deep inside. The kind that makes your hair stand and your heart leap.

She said it meant alot to her. It meant everything to me.

Im gonna make that girl my wife.

Mongstad

Alaaa. I reallllllyyyy wanted her company here.

Instead its Vida n Oscar at Mongstad. Hahah.

Education

I never quite thought that I could get to where I am now.

Just 4 years ago, I was stuck in a job that paid so little that at 25, I still had to ask my mom for money.

But today, I can proudly support my mom!

Maybe deep down, thats what most men want. Who cares about status and wealth. Me, I just want to earn enough to provide my family with an easy life. To fulfill the financial role of a son and in future, that of a husband. A father.

And since I have proven that you do not need a degree to succeed financially, maybe its about time I got back to studying. Diploma first.

Oh yes. I dont even have a diploma.

The education system now is biased. If you judge a fish, a turtle and a monkey by its ability to climb a tree, of course the monkey is the smartest.

Whirlwind Part 3

And so dinner was arranged, 4 of us again. Quite a normal night until she took out that StarWars Monopoly board.

I dont know how to describe what I felt. So here's the physical reactions. Eyes wide. Heart skipped. Tingly sensations.

All for a board game.

And the fact that it was hers.

We ended up at home, wanting to play Monopoly. And ended up watching a horror movie.

So watching the movie we were on the sofa, sitting innocently. Ohhh you've watched movies. You know how it starts.

Starts with us sitting apart. Then lying down awkwardly (now i lurbp small sofas). And then head on my lap. And ended up cuddling.

Still not quite sure how we got to that position.

And so while cuddling and talking abt the movie, she kept letting her gaze linger aft we finished talking abt something.

Like they say.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

By the end of it all, she had somehow shared her 2 year plans and showed me her family pictures.

*I* felt connected.

So that was it. 2 days later, I was on a plane to Norway.

And here I am, missing her.

Whirlwind Part 2

So to pick up where we left off...

1 mth passed, 1 REALLY busy mth. With Ramadhan in progress, Eid approaching, work and the upcoming trip to Norway.

Somehow she was still somewhere in my head. Popping up now and then.

So a few days before I left, while having supper, the topic of the TorDare night came up and WHAMMM! Back into my head with full force..

So I suggested meeting up before I went. And no I wasn't expecting anything. Neither should you. -_-

And no, I'm not lying when I said I expected nothing.

BUT. One can hope. Nyek eh eh. =)

Whirlwind Part 1

To say the past week was a whirlwind of emotions is an understatement.

It began 1.5mths ago..

Maybe earlier than that.

I remember the first time we met. I thought she knew what 'I am your father.' meant.

Now its apparent she didnt but it set into motion emotions.

I have somehow always been attracted to women who were interested in Star Wars. Didn't hurt that she's good looking and a little quirky..

Ok she's nuts. And I find that oh so adorable.
...............

2nd time we met was where the phrase 'Well THAT escalated quickly' came to mind.

Young people. Well, them=young. Me=Holding on dearly to whatever's left.

So our little had dinner, went for drinks after that, pretty much a normal night out. And then TorDare started..

Here is where it gets interesting. It came to the point in the game where we had to kiss. So we did. Rules were I had to give her 4 tic tacs via kissing. That was the duration.

So 4 tic tacs went to her. And came back. And went again. And again. And again. The only reason I stopped was bcos someone said get a room. Oops.

*As I'm writing this I'm smiling like an idiot.*

Suffice to say, at the end of the night, sexual tension was super high. Goodbye was awkward.

I didnt know what to make of it. They didnt teach me how to handle these stuffs back in school. And men are idiot when it comes to this.

All I know was she lingered in my mind. For well over a month. Cmon no one stays that long in my head!

To be continued.

Renewed?

Stopped blogging a few years back. I don't really know why now.

But today..

Solitude, black coffee and cigarettes. Perfect blend for blogging.

Oh, and thoughts of certain someone. =)

Aug2013
Midttun Camping and Motel