Dreams and wishes

Again, the dreams.

I have lost count. Haha, these 2 months, i have dreamt more about you than I ever did when we together.

I guess my soul is missing a piece of itself. The end was so abrupt, it was as if I was yanked violently away, tearing myself apart, leaving a piece of it with you.

One can only make himself busy so much. I used to have gaps in time where i would literally slink away into my 'nothing' corner. You could say i had the ability to stone without the need for MaryJ. But now, it seems my 'nothing' corner is somehow linked to you.

I scroll my phone, the phone that you bought me, and whenever I come across your pictures, i stop.

And that very moment it would seem like time itself froze. Memories would just flash through. My heart and my head is embroiled in a conflict.

Whenever i mouth the words 'its over', my heart calls me a liar.

My fingers scroll through ig hoping that you'd appear in my popular post, because I don't want to get stabbed in the heart seeing you with someone else again by visiting yours, to make sure you are ok.

I share a table with another family during lunch and all i could think was how much this man looked like your dad.

Another time, my heart jumped when i thought i saw your mom.

I refuse to go to arab st and tampines because i am so terrified of bumping into you, worse, bumping into you with someone else.

I am desperately clawing my way forward with my feet chained to the past.

I have always come across quotes saying how the happiest person hurts the most inside and now i guess im it.

I still make people laugh. I still make people smile and be happy. I guess that is the only time i can share that joy and smile genuinely myself, knowing i made people laugh.

You know..

I.. would give up a lifetime of happiness, just to hold you in a tight embrace one last, my head buried in your neck drunk with your scent.

I would give up a lifetime of happiness, to be able to hold your hands in mine and look you in the eye and tell how much i miss you. How i still love you. How i still care for you.

I would give up a lifetime of happiness for these little moments, because my happiness lies in being with you.