Anger management

Oh sleep, so troubled you are these few weeks. Why do I keep waking up in the middle of the night.

3am.

Anyway, might as well get down to writing. I used to love writing. I think, its about time to love again. Bits and pieces first. Bits and pieces.

Anyway, today I got kicked in the head. Sometimes you think you have it figured out, then WHAM! Realisation hits so hard it jars your thought pattern and makes you re-discover.

"Those who forgive but dont forget do not forgive at all. They only keep it aside only to lay it out again when things go wrong."

2 spoken sentences, took less than 1/2 a minute to be said, shook me so hard.

I have got it wrong all these while. And while I agree now, that to forgive IS to forget, it is sooooo hard to really practice.

I had anger issues. I was a short fuse before. But I didn't like to fight. Or argue. I hate it. So when somebody pisses me off, I walk away. I used to tell myself,

"Not worth my time and energy and emotion."

And I believed it that. To the core. That was my stand.

But I needed to vent my anger. Screaming on the highway, hitting walls, I have smashed 3 phones to date. =)

Then when keeping quiet and walking away ate me on the insides, and also, I didn't want to keep spending my money on replacing my phones..

I stopped getting mad. I started getting even.

I would remember EVERY SINGLE argument, transgression and sarcasm that was directed towards me.

And I would hit back, not immediately but when they sting would be felt the most. Talk about kicking someone at their lowest.

Boy did I make some people made.

But as I age, I mellowed, got wiser, became more patient, controlled my words..

Basically, just took shit in. Lol. Well, most of the times anyway..

So it came to this point where when someone apologises, I accept it, remained on good terms but somehow deep down I would remember the wrong-doings.

I guess that still isn't good enough. Not just because a learned man said so, but because I think he's right and I agree.

To forgive is to forget.
To forgive is to forget.

I shall remember this and actively practice it.

What if to forget is not doable?

Well then,
the road is long and stops aplenty. Walk on and never look back..